I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
