Nicole vs. Life
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize