Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
third nipple confirmed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
