i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
