I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
