I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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