what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
