You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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