Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
