yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
