dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
BRING THE BAGELS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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