I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
