I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
