His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize