I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
