What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
