I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
