I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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