How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
