I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
