My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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