I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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