Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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