I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The uberlube is also flammable
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
