Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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