We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
