My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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