You're so nebulous sometimes
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
