i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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