I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
