I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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