i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
