Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
