I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
