Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
