At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
