how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
