we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
