I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
