Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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