so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
