Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
