I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
