508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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