Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
