Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
