I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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