Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
