You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
