walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
