Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
