Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
