Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
