its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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