she was so not down for the gang bang
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
