Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love having hate sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
