Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
