im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
