Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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