I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
