For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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