Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
