dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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