i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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