Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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