I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
