Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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