Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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