who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My first STD was from a foam party
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
