She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
