my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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