New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
