Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
